CHAPTER 19

OPEN THE DOOR, KEITH!

Psalm 24:1

“The earth is the Lord’s, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein.”

While in China, I have been able to travel throughout Asia and around the world.

In 2015, we returned to the UK for the first time. We took a five-day trip around the country, starting in London and travelling up to the Scottish Highlands. We ended in Cambridge, where we met my cousin Elaine, her husband Clifford, and their children Claire and John. They warmly welcomed us and took us to Ely to see the beautiful cathedral.

We had booked two nights at a Holiday Inn in Bradford to see my niece Victoria and her mother Carol, along with my nephew James.

They agreed to meet us at the hotel and arrived on time. They all came up to our room, and then there was another knock at the door. Standing there, grinning like a Cheshire cat, was my brother Peter, who had travelled over especially to surprise me.

That day we visited our birthplace and drove to Haworth, famous for the Brontë sisters. We also rode on the steam train made famous by The Railway Children. What an amazing day.

It was Chinese New Year’s Eve, so Helen cooked authentic Chinese food for my family. The sceptics were completely won over by Helen.

We then travelled to my hometown of Morecambe to stay with Brian and Sandra, who had helped me complete my visa application for China. They took us back to my home church, where we shared what was happening in China.

We were also able to share the gospel on the streets of Lancaster, even meeting a university student who came from Nanjing.

Over the next few years, we visited Helen’s relatives in Indonesia, where we saw Lake Toba, the second-largest lake in the world. We also travelled to the Philippines, where Helen and Ming swam with whale sharks and enjoyed delicious seafood, especially crabs.

In 2017, we travelled to the USA and Canada. We visited iconic places such as Horseshoe Bend, Antelope Canyon, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Grand Canyon, and even the more chaotic side of life in Las Vegas.

We then went to Canada, where we experienced the majesty of the Rocky Mountains, especially in Jasper and Banff.

However, 2017 was also a painful year, as my beloved brother Peter died after a very short illness. It was a great blow to me, as we had shared many phone calls and Skype conversations.

I know he died peacefully, knowing his younger brother was settled.

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT

Having my brother come and visit me was a great joy.

Losing him to cancer in 2017 was deeply painful. He passed away after a very short illness of two months, caused by a rare cancer that usually affects children.

When he died, many people said they missed him and that a part of their lives was gone. For me, it was more than that.

It felt like losing my right arm. We had the same blood running through our veins and came from the same parents. Although we were very different in many ways—especially in matters of faith, with me as an evangelical Christian and Peter as an atheist/humanist—we were still brothers.

Some of the things we did together still make me smile. For example, when we were returning from Tadoussac, I put a CD into the car player. He said, “Let me do that,” and promptly inserted it into the wrong slot above the CD player, breaking it completely.

Small things like that stay in the memory. He was a character. When his wife visited her parents in the UK, he once took his two children straight to the sweet aisle at the supermarket and then fed them baked beans on toast for seven days in a row!

I miss him deeply. I used to tell him I loved him, and he would reply, “Yeah, me too.”

Now I cannot say that to him anymore.

The things that truly matter are love, hope, and faith—especially love.

What would it have been like if God had concealed His love from us?

But He did not. He revealed His love through the Cross.

God did not remain silent; He expressed His love in Christ.

Romans 5:7–8

“7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.

8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Thank God, we are loved.

The most important thing we must never stop doing is telling people we love them—because one day, we may not be able to.

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CHAPTER 20

JUST TESTING

Ecclesiastes 3:1–2

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted.”

Life was idyllic as we entered the third decade of the century, but danger was always lurking. In early 2020, we began hearing about a virus called COVID-19.

We were used to seasonal flu-like illnesses in winter, but this was different. Before January ended, Helen was home all the time, and we had to be tested everywhere we went.

Some mornings, as I ran errands and did chores, I was tested up to five times. I tested negative each time—there is a first time for everything!

I remember going out one evening at 8 p.m. Normally the streets would be busy, but now there was an eerie silence—no cars, no people, no activity. Everything was closed. It felt surreal.

Everywhere we went, we were tested. We were unable to travel freely for two to three years. Our entire complex was even placed under isolation for two weeks. We could not go in or out, although we were thankfully provided with food parcels every two days. We were grateful for that small mercy.

Other places had even stricter regulations, so we were blessed in comparison. Still, tensions sometimes rose, as I witnessed at the gate of our complex. It was a difficult time for everyone.

We did eventually contract COVID, though my case was mild. I remember walking near our flat when I suddenly felt hot and began to sneeze.

Everyone wore masks, and some still do, but I never did. We also chose not to take the vaccine, trusting the Lord for protection.

Everything moved online—school, teaching, church, and meetings all shifted to Zoom. It feels like a distant memory now. When restrictions finally lifted, it was a great relief to return to normal life.

The previous year, in 2019, we also lost Helen’s beloved father, Baba. He had his stomach removed due to cancer and gradually became weaker until he passed away in August after a brave fight.

One of my favourite memories of him was just before Christmas 2016. We went to eat beef dumplings in town. On the bus home, Bing Crosby’s Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas came on. We quietly sang together. That is how I remember him.

He was one of the finest men I have ever met. One day, I will see him again, as he came to trust Christ as his Saviour and Lord later in life. It is never too late to trust Christ.

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT

Everything seemed to be going well before 2020. We were even planning to return to the UK.

But those plans were suddenly disrupted when COVID-19 arrived. It caught the whole world by surprise.

It reminded us that life is fragile and uncertain. We make plans, but God remains in control.

As James writes:

James 4:13–15

“13 Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:

14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

15 For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.”

Life is short. We are only here for a brief time, and we have one life to live.

What are you doing with yours?

Helen and I are committed to loving and serving our Saviour. That is the best use of life.

As Solomon concludes:

Ecclesiastes 12:13

“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.”

The offer of salvation is still open—but it will not remain open forever.

Hebrews 2:3

“How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation?”

One day we will all stand before God.

Hebrews 9:27

“It is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:”

Death is not the end.

Christ has defeated death through His resurrection so that believers can say:

1 Corinthians 15:55–57

“55 O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

56 The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.

57 But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Can you say these words?

I know I can.

CHAPTER 17

EPHESIANS 5:25–28

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

ONE WEDDING AND A WHITE SUIT

Arriving back in China in early October, we had to organise the wedding. Lots of friends helped us. People from Helen’s church took care of the photos and video. My friend from Chinese class, Adam, who was already in China, came and served as my best man.

Another church leader acted as host, and Pastor Ji Tai married us.

In China, you can get legally married very quickly. As the country is not Christian, a marriage certificate can be obtained in just a few minutes. However, many couples still want a wedding ceremony, which usually takes place in a large hotel.

Helen and I, along with our friend Samuel, organised the wedding. We had photos taken at a photography studio and ordered a cake from a local bakery. We managed to transport it to the venue, but not before half of it had collapsed!

Helen had a beautiful wedding dress and looked stunning. She spent a long time getting ready, while I took about thirty seconds—although I did have my hair dyed, and it turned orange!

Samuel decided to wear a white suit. He looked very smart. I expected everyone to come dressed formally, but most people arrived in fairly casual clothes.

We said our vows and then I was invited to speak. Helen’s father spoke, as did Adam (in fluent Chinese) and Pastor Ji Tai.

We had our own little choir made up of church members and friends who sang some of our favourite songs.

There were twelve tables, and everyone enjoyed a good meal—except us. We had to go around and toast everyone twice, so we ended up with almost nothing to eat.

At Chinese weddings, instead of giving gifts, people usually give red envelopes filled with money. The usual amount is 500–1,000 yuan (around £50–£100 at the time).

Our wedding took place on 28 October 2012. This year we celebrate our 14th anniversary. Despite many obstacles and challenges, we are still happy together, and I thank God for the gift of my wife.

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT

Things are very different at Chinese weddings. We will have a full update on our daughter’s wedding later in this book.

Marrying Helen was probably the second-best decision I have ever made, after trusting Christ as my Saviour.

Marriage has not always been easy for either of us. Remember that marriage is between two sinners. Christian marriage can be especially challenging because the devil hates it and does all he can to disrupt it.

The difference in a Christian marriage is that the Lord is right in the middle of it. He is the guiding and controlling influence.

What helps more than anything else? Praying together. We have found that praying together strengthens our marriage greatly. It helps us focus on the same things and seek God’s direction together.

When we do not pray together, we tend to have more problems.

Recently, we have spent time sharing the gospel together. Doing things together is one of the best ways to strengthen a marriage. We make dumplings together, travel together, and have recently visited Vietnam together.

So pray together, serve together, and do life together. These are some of the keys to a happy marriage.

CHAPTER 18

A PIGEON, A KING, AND MICHAEL JACKSON

Proverbs 22:6

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

By now, I was living in Nanjing, but what was I going to do? I had not yet mastered the language, so it was suggested that I help Chinese students improve their English.

Our friend Chen said she knew some teenagers who wanted to learn English, so one Saturday morning I went to her house, accompanied by Samuel for moral support.

We met eight teenagers. To break the ice, I suggested they introduce themselves using their English names.

The girls went first. We started with Catherine, then Celia—both perfectly normal English names.

Then came Pigeon.

Who calls themselves Pigeon?

“Okay,” I thought, “who’s next?”

“Michael.”

Good.

The boy sitting next to him introduced himself as “Jackson.”

So there I was, with Michael Jackson in the room—and he could actually moonwalk!

The final boy introduced himself as “King.”

Yes, that’s right. My first English class in China included a pigeon, a king, and Michael Jackson!

I remember asking the students to describe how they travelled to class. Jonah said he arrived on a motorised elephant. I actually thought he might have come by whale power!

I gradually started gaining students. There was an Australian-Chinese couple living in our apartment complex, and they had two sons. The boys told their Chinese mother, “We saw an Englishman in our complex.” She did not believe them until we bumped into each other a few days later.

Over the years, I taught many students. I remember with great fondness Fiona, Seven, Andy, Rain, and many others, all of whom are now in their twenties. When I first arrived, Helen was always bumping into former students. Now I find myself doing the same.

At one point, I had around thirty students and taught four or five classes every weekend. I have since reduced my workload, but I remain thankful to the students and parents who allowed me to teach them.

I cannot speak highly enough of my time with students such as Sophia, Anthea, Kevin, Rose (both of them), Adam (whom I taught for six years), Jack, and Jerry, to name just a few.

I am gradually slowing down and reducing the number of classes I teach, but I will continue as long as God brings students my way. My current students include little Rui, Bowen, Joy, Jerry, and Mary.

I charge a modest fee. I could charge more, but my goal is to help Chinese children learn English.

I thank God for all His blessings and for allowing me to touch so many lives.

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT

God certainly has a sense of humour.

You may remember that Keith was a terrible student. He drove his teachers absolutely crazy.

Can you imagine what some of those teachers would think if they knew that Keith became a teacher?

“Keith, a teacher? You’ve got to be kidding!”

I sometimes joke that I hope he gets back what he gave—ha-ha!

Whenever I have a badly behaved student who refuses to listen, I remind myself that I was exactly the same many years ago.

Being able to help Chinese children learn English is a great honour and privilege, but it is nothing compared to teaching them the precious Word of God.

Parents, it is your responsibility to teach your children. The buck stops with you. It is not primarily the church’s responsibility.

If you do not teach them the Bible, the world will mould them into its own image. The education system will fill their minds with atheism, humanism, and worldly philosophies.

The place where all these “isms” can and should be challenged is the home.

You cannot be an absentee parent, constantly pursuing more money or another promotion while leaving your family to cope without your presence and leadership.

Many families in China are led primarily by the mother. While mothers play a vital role, God’s design is for the husband to provide spiritual leadership within the home.

Men, are you leading your family?

• By setting a godly example?
• By leading family devotions and prayer?
• By providing spiritual protection through prayer and sacrifice?

Men, life is not all about money.

The next generation must be taught the Scriptures. We must pass on the truths of God’s Word to our children and grandchildren.

If we do not fill their hearts and minds with biblical truth, someone else will fill them with something else.

CHAPTER 15

EARLY IN THE MORNING

Song of Solomon 2:7

“I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.”

Both Helen and I knew that this relationship was different. We continued to talk, Skype, and email back and forth.

I was about to move into my static caravan and had no internet connection for a couple of weeks, so I used the local library to stay in touch.

On 1 October 2011, I went to the library to check my emails. I found a message from Helen explaining that the previous evening, China time, she had not been feeling well. The Lord had prompted her to get up and pray. As she prayed, she felt the Lord clearly say to her:

“Keith will be your husband.”

My heart nearly jumped out of my chest.

I was overjoyed, but I still needed my own confirmation from the Lord.

The following Tuesday morning, at around 4 a.m., while everything was perfectly still and quiet, the Lord clearly confirmed it to me.

I remember the words as clearly as if they were spoken yesterday:

“I am the God of Abraham, Isaac…”

I knew that voice. It was unmistakable.

Now we had a problem.

Helen had a teenage daughter and parents whom she would need to tell.

Not long afterwards, my niece and her mother—Philip’s first wife and a good friend of mine—came to see my new static caravan. I cautiously introduced the subject and mentioned that I had met someone.

My niece immediately asked, “Is she in Britain?”

I replied, “Well… not exactly.”

She looked suspicious.

“I’m not going to like this, am I? Where is she from?”

I answered, “China.”

Her response was immediate:

“Are you completely nuts? We’re not going through all that again!”

Her head practically exploded, and she stormed off like a rocket.

Then came the equally difficult task of telling my brother in Canada. On two separate occasions, he refused to speak to me for two weeks. Several angry phone calls followed from family members and even some church friends, all convinced that I had lost my mind.

Yet through it all, Helen and I continued to pray, and the Lord continued to guide us.

I remember one evening when we had been talking online at about 9 or 10 p.m. China time. Helen said, “I’m going for a shower. I’ll be back soon.”

I left my computer on and sat eating something while I waited.

Suddenly, Helen’s daughter appeared on the screen.

She was there to talk with me.

It took courage for her to do that, but it marked the beginning of a beautiful and deep relationship that we still enjoy today. We were both nervous, but the ice had been broken.

The question remained: would we ever meet in person?

Eventually, I booked my flight to Nanjing on 29 February 2012. I planned to stay for the whole of July.

As our relationship grew, I decided that I should learn some Chinese. I borrowed language tapes from the library, and my friend Brian from church took me to a Chinese class at the local adult education centre.

Everyone in the class had to explain why they were learning Chinese. Some worked with Chinese students at the local university.

Then it was my turn.

I said:

“Well, I’ve fallen in love and I’m moving to China.”

That certainly got everyone’s attention!

The day finally arrived, and in late June 2012, I set off for Nanjing.

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT

Hebrews 11:1

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

What is impossible with man is possible with God. I would not be telling this story if I had not seen it with my own eyes.

I have always been fascinated by China. As a child, I read about it in a weekly magazine called Look and Learn. I later studied twentieth-century Chinese history for my O-Level examinations.

Interestingly, my favourite girl’s name had always been Helen.

Many years earlier, at the Keswick Convention, I had committed my life to missionary service. Later I completely forgot about that commitment—but God had not forgotten.

Helen and I both watched God remove obstacle after obstacle. It was astonishing.

God is the God of the impossible.

He brought us together.

No human being could have arranged it.

Only He could.

CHAPTER 16

TAG AND TRACK TO NANJING

As I mentioned earlier, I booked my ticket on 29 February 2012.

While making the booking, the travel agent suggested that I purchase a luggage tracking service called Tag and Track for £10 per year, just in case my bags went missing during my journey from Manchester to Amsterdam, then to Guangzhou, and finally to Nanjing.

It was the best £10 I have ever spent.

Sure enough, my luggage was misplaced in Guangzhou.

My late brother Peter, who had a wonderful sense of humour, had advised me:

“Take an extra pair of kegs” (underpants to the rest of us), “just in case you get caught short.”

Thankfully, I followed his advice and packed an extra pair in my hand luggage.

I arrived in Nanjing and immediately began searching for my bags.

Nothing.

I searched everywhere. All the luggage had been unloaded. Every passenger had gone through the arrivals gate.

Still no bags.

Meanwhile, Helen was waiting outside and probably wondering whether I had arrived at all.

Eventually, I walked through the arrivals gate.

Then I heard a voice shout:

“KEITH!”

Suddenly we saw each other.

We hugged and hugged.

At last, we were together.

I explained what had happened with my luggage, and Helen kindly accompanied me to the airline desk to try to locate my missing cases.

Afterwards, we caught a bus back into the city.

Since I only had the clothes I was wearing, Helen took me to a market where we bought a few essentials—including, of course, some new kegs!

Thankfully, my luggage arrived the following day.

One of my first experiences in Nanjing was riding on the back of a motorised scooter.

The first thing that struck me was the heat and humidity. It was incredibly hot.

Afterwards, we took a taxi back to Helen’s apartment.

Shortly after arriving home, Helen’s church co-worker Samuel arrived, accompanied by Ming, who took one look at me and immediately disappeared into her room.

That evening, Helen’s mother came to meet this strange foreign visitor.

I made the mistake of trying to hug Mama.

That is not generally done in China!

The following morning we attended church. Thankfully, several people spoke English, including Mr Yen and Yanchen.

We had a wonderful time during my visit.

I met Helen’s family and formally asked her parents for permission to marry their daughter.

We spent time with Helen’s pastor and his wife, both of whom spoke English, and enjoyed memorable trips to Shanghai and Suzhou.

On 14 July 2012, we found a quiet place in the apartment complex grounds.

I got down on one knee and asked Helen to marry me.

She said yes.

Soon afterwards, however, I had to return to the United Kingdom.

Helen was preparing to travel to Thailand with her parents and Ming, and there was still much for me to organise back home.

When we reached the airport, I was heartbroken. I did not want to leave her.

But there was work to do. I needed to prepare my static caravan for sale and sort out my affairs in the UK.

We decided that I would return in early October.

This time, however, it would be on a one-way ticket.

Everything was falling into place.

My static caravan did not sell for another two years, but it eventually sold in December 2014—a time when very few people were buying property.

Another miracle.

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT

Although God is the Creator of the universe, He still cares about the smallest details of our lives.

It amazes me that He thinks ahead of us.

Before I ever set foot in China, He was already preparing the way. He knows every detail.

Living in China has always been an eye-opener.

You can read about China in newspapers, books, and on websites. You can watch countless videos online. Yet nothing truly prepares you for the reality.

The cultural differences are enormous.

However, one thing remains the same wherever you go in the world:

People are people.

God does not look at the colour of our skin; He looks at our hearts.

To those reading this in the Western world, let me say that the Chinese people are a remarkable people—full of warmth, energy, and joy.

China has become my home.

These people have become my people.

There is a great need here. Millions have never heard the name of Jesus.

Being here allows me to play a small part in reaching a few lives with the gospel.

That is all any of us can do in our corner of God’s vineyard.

The Lord places people in our path for a reason. These are God-given opportunities wrapped as everyday encounters, allowing us to share His love and truth.

Please pray for China.

Shortly after arriving in China, I felt the Lord impress upon me the importance of praying for this nation.

We are like sparrows pecking at the Great Wall. One sparrow makes little difference. Even ten thousand may seem insignificant. Yet over time, millions can accomplish something remarkable.

Join me in praying for this magnificent country—my second homeland.

When God’s people pray,

MIRACLES HAPPEN.

SURPRISED BY HELEN

Psalm 18:30

“As for God, His way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; He shields all who take refuge in Him.”

I returned to the UK in July 2007 with my tail between my legs. I managed to get a room in a house not far from Heysham Church. They had a new pastor, one who became my mentor, dear Pastor Mark.

The first Sunday I returned, I did not go into the service. I stayed outside. People looked at me, and their eyes seemed to say, “We told you so.” Indeed, some verbalised their thoughts. To be honest, I deserved it.

So there I was again, trying to find a job, but at least I was spiritually settled. After three years, I managed to get a small flat of my own in central Morecambe. It was tiny — the kitchen was probably the smallest on the planet.

It was not really suitable. My family suggested that I go on sick leave because of depression, but that was not a good option, nor one I should have taken. I wanted to work. I attended job clubs, wrote applications, and went to interviews, but refusal after refusal left me discouraged. Why?

In 2011, my spiritual life was flourishing. I enjoyed such sweet fellowship with the Lord. Hour after hour was spent in prayer and devotion, and it was a precious time. The Lord spoke very clearly.

I was also able to write, and people appreciated the devotions. During that summer, I had an internet relationship with a lady who eventually only wanted money. I was fed up.

“Lord, I want no more relationships, and certainly not an internet one.”

The Lord had been waiting for me to say this. Now, so to speak, He had carte blanche — a clean page. At last, Keith had stepped out of the way.

In early summer 2011, I decided to change an old Hotmail account to Gmail. After all, it was better, and I only had about ten people on Hotmail anyway. There was one email containing a few contacts, so I wrote to tell them I was closing the account. I also shared our church’s free website.

The next day, I noticed the website had received hits from Nanjing, China. “Wow,” I thought, “it has reached China!”

In my inbox was an email from a lady in China. She thanked me for the website and said we shared the same beliefs. “Wonderful,” I thought, “a Chinese friend.”

So we began emailing one another. I discovered she was a schoolteacher called Helen — my favourite name — and she had a teenage daughter. In one of her first emails, she said she thought I was a woman, which may explain why she contacted me in the first place!

She later went on holiday with her parents and daughter, and I did not hear from her for a while. But then she contacted me again. This time, she wanted to talk on Skype so we could see each other.

“If you don’t get Skype, I won’t talk to you again,” she said.

I had not downloaded Skype yet, but I soon did.

Anyway, we began talking online. She was kind, and we both enjoyed chatting together. Her daughter was shy in those days, and all I ever saw was a hand waving at the camera.

During the autumn, we grew closer and closer. I felt a real connection with her. We started praying together, and despite the time difference, she would call me regularly.

We also began sending letters to each other. Those letters were — and still are — very precious to us. Things were moving quickly, but could this really be the one for me? After all, Helen was in China and I was in Morecambe. I had only just managed to get a static caravan and was busy furnishing it with a sofa bed, a new boiler, a fridge, and other essentials. Surely not.

But God had His hand upon us, and in the next chapter we will see how He unfolded His plan.

Devotional Thought

We all want to control things — especially me. I had tried for years to find a Christian wife. After all, everyone else seemed to be getting married, so why not me?

Sometimes we simply need to step out of the way. God is very patient. He waited for me to surrender, and then He gave me Helen.

I had already tried to do things my own way and had fallen flat on my face. But once I moved aside, God was able to work.

In China, many Christian parents become anxious if their children reach the age of twenty-five without being married. As many families only have one child, grandchildren are often seen as a great blessing and a sign of honour. Sadly, some people try to force matters instead of trusting God’s timing.

Christian friend, you also need to step out of the way. Only when you give God control of your situation — especially regarding marriage — can His perfect will be accomplished.

It is difficult when everyone else in your church seems to be getting married while you remain single. But God’s timing is perfect, and His choice is always best.

I am so grateful that He gave me the wonderful gift of the best wife in the world, together with a beautiful daughter and son.

JAMES 1

13 Let no man say when he is tempted, “I am tempted of God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth He any man.
14 But every man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed.
15 Then, when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin; and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

DOWNHILL IN THE USA

I was involved in website ministry and, through a mutual friend, I was introduced to a so-called lady pastor.

This should have been a red flag, but I was entranced by this woman. She had me listening to preachers like Rodney Howard-Browne and Joyce Meyer, and I was being led astray.

This was in 2004, and my mum was getting worse as she suffered from Alzheimer’s disease.

Now, let me be honest: I blame no one but myself. I thought of nothing but myself, and I was led away by my own greed and selfishness.

So, in late 2004, I left my mum and travelled to America, where I foolishly married this woman. To this day, she was not a true pastor. She followed prosperity preachers, smoked fifty cigarettes a day, slept with three dogs on her bed, and had one violent son and another whose girlfriend struggled with crack addiction.

I do not wish to dwell too much on this period of my life. Instead, let it serve as a warning to anyone who wants to depart from the true and holy will of God.

The cost to me was terrible. I never saw my mother again, I lost the respect of my family, I left my church, and I nearly lost my faith.

Thankfully, I was able to leave that situation. Many may say this was wrong, but it was an abusive and violent marriage.

I travelled across the USA to my brother’s home in Canada, where I stayed for four months before returning to the UK.

He owned many acres of land, and during my time there I was able to restore my relationship with him and his wife, and most importantly, with the Lord.

This is a time I bitterly regret, yet thankfully the Lord has completely restored me.

Devotional Thought

Being outside of God’s will is the worst place to be. You need to be right in the centre of God’s will; anywhere else, you are at the mercy of the devil.

As you read my story, you will see a pattern: my disobedience and rebellion contrasted with God’s grace. This is something I am deeply ashamed of, but I write it as a warning.

God is very patient with all of us. We do not deserve His grace and mercy. All of us — and I most of all — have made foolish decisions that have cost us fellowship with family, friends, and most importantly, with God.

My time in America was a sobering experience. God preserved me, and I am grateful that He did and that restoration was complete.

Please, if you are reading this, do not wander from God’s ways. Doing so nearly cost me my life.

WHY ARE YOU CAST DOWN?

Psalm 42:5

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.”

I have always been something of a lone wolf, but during the 1990s I went through a very dark period in my life and began suffering from depression for several different reasons.

Throughout much of the 1990s, I was not in church fellowship or walking closely with the Lord, and this was a major cause of my depression, although family struggles and unemployment also contributed to it.

I began taking antidepressants, but for me they became counterproductive. I would take them late at night and then sleep until midday.

They were very strong tablets — Cipramil 15mg. The doctor continued prescribing them to me over and over again. At one point, I even started taking more than the prescribed amount each day. I became moody, angry, and frustrated with almost everyone and everything.

Stopping antidepressants suddenly can be dangerous, and anyone taking them should seek proper medical advice and support before making changes. In my own case, I eventually stopped taking them, but that was a personal decision and experience.

Depression is very real.

Someone once described it as “having no sky at all.” You feel hopeless, trapped, and overwhelmed. If you have never experienced depression yourself, it can be very difficult to understand what another person is going through.

Telling someone to “pull yourself together” or asking “why can’t you just get a job?” does not help.

Depression can sometimes lead people into thoughts of suicide. Many people reach that point because they feel they have no hope left.

But this is the truth:

There is hope.

In the film The Shawshank Redemption, the character Andy says, “Hope is a good thing.” But true hope depends on where you place it. If your hope is in anything other than Christ, then your hope is misplaced.

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Devotional Thought

The writers of Psalms 42 and 43, along with many other Bible characters, experienced deep discouragement and depression. One of the clearest examples is Elijah.

Elijah had just experienced one of the greatest victories recorded in Scripture, yet shortly afterwards he wanted to die.

Both depression and suicidal thinking must ultimately be met with the message of hope found in the Gospel. People often feel trapped because they believe there is no hope left, but that is one of the enemy’s greatest lies.

No situation is beyond the reach of God’s love and saving power.

Elijah was deeply exhausted emotionally, mentally, and physically. God dealt with him gently and practically by providing food, water, rest, and encouragement.

We all feel low at times. I still battle periods of depression occasionally, but the thing that keeps me grounded is placing my hope and trust in God.

Sometimes emotional struggles can be connected to sin, but not always. In Elijah’s case, physical and emotional exhaustion played a major role.

James 5:16–17

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months.”

If you struggle with these kinds of thoughts and feelings, you need supportive people around you — trusted believers who will pray with you, encourage you, and walk beside you.

Knowing that God loves you is wonderful, but we also need the warmth, support, and understanding of caring Christian fellowship within a healthy local church.

You also need to bring your struggles honestly before your Heavenly Father. There is hope. God loves you deeply and does not want your life to be consumed by despair.

When we meet people who are struggling, we should not behave like Job’s friends by immediately trying to explain away their suffering. Sometimes the greatest thing we can do is simply listen.

Many people who suffer from depression have experienced rejection, trauma, loneliness, or deep personal pain.

To anyone reading this who feels cast down: I understand those dark places. I have experienced moments where I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. But God has been my hope, my rock, and my refuge.

The greatest answer to these struggles is a genuine relationship with God through Christ and the presence of the precious Holy Spirit within your heart.

Jesus gives this invitation:

Matthew 11:28

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

MAKE JESUS YOUR HOPE

SCOTTISH CASTLE WEDDING

Ephesians 4:32

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

In August 2000, my nephew Andrew married Carla. The wedding took place in a Scottish castle hotel near Edinburgh, with a church nearby for the ceremony.

Our Canadian family came over in large numbers for the occasion, and Mum booked rooms in a hotel in a nearby village.

This was always going to be a difficult wedding because Philip, my eldest brother and Andrew’s father, was not on speaking terms with any of us.

The ceremony took place on a Friday, and there was an unexpected problem — the organist had forgotten about the wedding! Thankfully, the vicar was able to play the organ himself, so he ended up doing both jobs.

After the ceremony, we headed to the reception. Andrew, being a police officer, had invited many of his large and cheerful fellow officers, many of whom were wearing kilts.

We even had haggis, which for non-Scots is made from sheep’s stomach! There is also a tradition that “real” men who wear kilts do not wear underpants underneath, although I have never tested that theory myself!

The whole day was emotionally difficult for me because it was the last time I ever saw my eldest brother. We are now completely estranged, and that still brings deep hurt and sadness.

I must say honestly that the fault is not entirely his. My own actions caused him deep pain as well.

Years later, I tried to contact him through another person, but I was accused of using that individual to get to him. His response was that, because of the past, he did not want me to contact him again.

The next day, some of us went into Edinburgh, and later we all attended the famous Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo.

Peter especially enjoyed the performance by the ladies from the Australian Institute of Physical Education!

He was a great source of laughter and joy to me. We shared many happy moments together, and I miss him more than words can express.

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Devotional Thought

Resentment and bitterness are terrible things. They can hold you captive for years.

I have written these words not to shame my brother Philip in any way. I still pray for him. In fact, the last time I was in the UK, I tried to contact him and only managed to speak with his wife. I gave her my phone number, but I never received a response. Even so, I continue to hope.

For many years I carried resentment against him. After all, I felt that he had hurt me, and I believed I had every right to be angry.

But it was only when I let go of my anger and truly forgave him from my heart that healing began in my own life.

Forgiveness is about releasing the anger we hold against another person. The scars may remain, but only through forgiveness can true healing come.

Matthew 6:14–15

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Ephesians 4:31

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.”

Before we can truly heal, we must forgive.

This is incredibly difficult. Forgiving someone who has deeply hurt you is one of the hardest things a person can do, and it can only truly be done through Christ.

One thing we should always remember is this:

Look at all the things Christ has forgiven you for.

Then ask yourself how you can refuse to forgive others.

FORGIVING OTHERS LEADS TO FREEDOM