1 PETER 3

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

When you say nothing at all!

China is a female dominated society, the woman is the one who rules the home, the man brings the money in, gives it to the wife, the wife makes all the decisions about which school or tutor centers the children should go to.

Christian marriage and parenting is counter cultural, the man is the head of the house and the woman is in submission to the husband, but how does this work, when  in China, most of the believers are woman and the husbands are not saved.

I have met and seen many marriages in China, where the wife is a believer and has tried to literally beat their husband into trusting Christ, this leads to serious problems in the marriage, to the disappointment for the wife and resentment for the husband, instead of bringing him nearer to the Lord, it drives him further away.

I once heard a story of a Christian in the UK, she had an unbelieving husband, she talked and talked to him about the gospel, she went to bible study, church and every other meeting, she asked her pastor, what she should do.

The wise pastor said” Don’t mention anything Christian for three months, just live as a Christian in front of him, don’t complain and just pray for him, follow these instructions in 1 Peter 3″

She did, after three months, he said one day,  are you going to church tonight, mind if I come to. Another two months later, he came to the Lord, asked why, he said, my wife had a changed life, I wanted to know why.

So how can you win your husbands?

By your chaste or wholesome conversation, do you complain about every little thing, your husband does wrong, then stop.

Do you put him down or do you build him up with your words?

You don’t win your husband, by going down the beauty parlor and having your nails done and getting the shortest dress or nightdress, change in marriages, don’t happen in the bedroom, they happen in the prayer closet, when the believing wife, gets close with God.

It means you spend lots of time praying and less time talking, develop a quiet and gentle spirit, you are to get close to God by spending time on your own with God and that doesn’t mean, you are constantly at church, this may mean, you take time with your husband to cook his favorite dinner or take him out to his favorite restaurant.

Being quiet before him, if you have an argument, submit, say I was wrong, you will be surprised, how much that shakes him.

It will be difficult, but these principles are life transforming, Sarah must have found it difficult to submit to Abraham, but she did it.

In Chapter 2 :20-23, we have the example of Jesus, he is our great example, we need to follow him.

May all women follow the principles laid out here and win their husbands to Christ, without saying a word.

A Christian lady in China, had an unsaved husband, he openly mocked his wife, but she submitted to hi, it took a few years, but in time, the husband came to Christ and is now taking a course in theology. So if we follow the biblical instructions, God will help us. If you as a Christian wife, refuse to submit and keep on the same way, then you will eat your bitter fruit. 

The reformation study bible says this:

without a word. In ancient Roman culture the wife was expected to adopt the religion of her husband, and some of the Christian women in the Asian churches apparently had unbelieving spouses. Peter urges these Christian wives not to rely on argument, which might be seen as insubordination by the already suspicious husbands. Rather, the wives’ gentle responsiveness will recommend the gospel to their unbelieving spouses. The enduring principle involved in this statement is not silence (v. 15), but a sensitivity to the concerns of the unbelieving husband so that the gospel may be presented in the best light.

Matthew henry has the final word:

More especially, the finest ornament of Christian women is a meek and quiet spirit, a tractable easy temper of mind, void of passion, pride, and immoderate anger, discovering itself in a quiet obliging behaviour towards their husbands and families. If the husband be harsh, and averse to religion (which was the case of these good wives to whom the apostle gives this direction), there is no way so likely to win him as a prudent meek behaviour. At least, a quiet spirit will make a good woman easy to herself, which, being visible to others, becomes an amiable ornament to a person in the eyes of the world. Thirdly, The excellency of it. Meekness and calmness of spirit are, in the sight of God, of great price—amiable in the sight of men, and precious in the sight of God. Learn, 1. A true Christian’s chief care lies in the right ordering and commanding of his own spirit. Where the hypocrite’s work ends, there the true Christian’s work begins. 2. The endowments of the inner man are the chief ornaments of a Christian; but especially a composed, calm, and quiet spirit, renders either man or woman beautiful and lovely.

A chaste conversation, attended with due and proper respect to every one, is an excellent means to win them to the faith of the gospel and obedience to the word.

GOD BLESS YOU

KK

COMMUNING WITH YOUR BELOVED

I want to share on a subject that is very difficult for many of us to even talk about, and that is the sexual part of marriage.

In the Bible, there is a whole book given over to this subject and this is the Song of Solomon. Now some people think it is an allegory, a picture of Christ’s love for the church and yes, it is. This is not a book to be avoided, many Christians say “how can this be in the Bible?”, but it is so beautiful. God has graciously placed this book in His Word, there is so much advice from the world about sex,  God wants you to go to his word to learn the truth from HIM about sex, why go to the tv and the internet to find out, when you can find out from the author himself!

But it is a vivid picture of a healthy and vibrant physical relationship within marriage. Yes, within marriage, any sexual relationship outside of marriage is wrong and sinful, therefore sex before marriage and affairs by either partner outside marriage is wrong, amen.

When you read the Song of Solomon, you realise that it is such a tender love poem, between two people who love each other deeply. This is summed up in Chapter 8, in these wonderful words. 

6 Set me like a seal upon your heart, like a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy is as hard and cruel as Sheol (the place of the dead). Its flashes are flashes of fire, a most vehement flame [the very flame of the Lord]!

7 Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man would offer all the goods of his house for love, he would be utterly scorned and despised.

You see how powerful, true and pure sexual love is within marriage, it is a powerful flame BETWEEN two people (one man and one woman), one that has been put there by God.

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That flame cannot be put out by many waters, usually water can put out flames, but in this case, it can’t, that is how powerful true and pure love within marriage is.

Sex was created by God, the sex act was created by God, sexual desire and sexual emotions were created by God and the man’s and woman’s sexual organs were created by God. When he created all things, all things were very good, including sex. Sadly, sin marred all these good things.

But he also created the marriage union, he meant all these things to in the unique context of a one-man one-woman marriage covenant.

When a married couple have healthy and enjoyable sex within marriage, God says that is very good. He gave it not just for procreation but for excitement and enjoyment for the married couple within a secure marriage covenant, sex outside marriage is strictly prohibited by God.

The married couple in the Song of Solomon tell each other that they love each other, they are passionate not just in their affection, but in their words.

They also love each other bodies, they focus on every part of their married partners bodies, so tell your wife or husband that she/he is beautiful in every aspect of their appearance.

In Proverbs 5, we have some beautiful verses, especially to husbands.

18 Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth.

19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]—let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love.

Let me say that the sexual relationship outlined in the Song of Songs, this is the model for a passionate and powerful sexual relationship, one that satisfies each partner.

It is not a green light to do anything that would trample on your marriage partner, by forcing your needs upon them. Consideration of the other partner is at the centre of the sexual relationship within marriage.

What it does, is to picture a beautiful and tender marriage, filled with such passion and energy.

It is about enjoying each other and putting each other first. Remember that God has given each married couple this unique gift of sex.

If you want some words to sum up marriage and the sex act within marriage, they would be

PASSIONATE,PERSEVERING, PURSUING AND PRICELESS.

I have added two more things that it is

PERMANENT AND POWERFUL

There is another P that you and your husband have to be together and that is PRAYERFUL.

Problems will happen and famine times will happen, but you need to go to the one who invented Sex, not go to your friends. God is your best sex counsellor,although your pastor and trained counsellors can be used by God.

One of the most beautiful verses in the Song of Songs is in chapter 2

16 My beloved is mine and I am his!

This is how you should treat your husband/wife.

Your husband/wife is a precious gift from God as is sex within marriage. Remember that God is happy when he sees deep intimacy within marriage between a man and a woman. he speaks 

IT IS VERY GOOD, if GOD says it is very good, then you should not say any differently. amen.

Please read the Song of Songs with your husband/wife.

Pray together, seek God together, and if you are not being faithful to your wife and husband, either with your eyes or your physical body.. then YOU NEED TO STOP. YOU ARE IN SIN.

May all you who are married, enjoy sex.

Here are some ideas to do this:

Pray before you start intimacy

Be alluring/smart/clean for him/her

Bring them a present

Tell your marriage partner. that she/he is so beautiful/handsome

Just tell them you love them for being themselves

Spend time with them. just sharing and talking before the act..

Sex is meant not just for the procreation of children. it was given by God for men and women to enjoy, after when Eve was brought to Adam, his reaction was probably WOW AND HIS EYES POPPED OUT OF HIS HEAD!!!!

Love your marriage partner, enjoy every part of the union God has given you for his glory,. because He says it is very good. amen！

God bless you

KK

This is a very special devotion that comes from a dear Christian couple inside China. The youngest daughter is a vibrant and spirit-filled Christian. Please feel free to share this testimony for the glory of God.

Names have been changed to protect identity.

How My Husband Came to Faith:

I was born in the 1980s, and my husband, Peter, is one year older than me. We were high school classmates, but he dropped out before graduation  to join the army.

After I graduated from university and he was discharged from the military, we got together, moved to South China for work, and later got married. We had our eldest daughter, Molly, and eventually returned to North China.

Before Molly was three, we were both atheists.

That winter, it was freezing in North China, and we had no heating at home. A Christian lady who lived upstairs told us about a daycare near our area that was free of charge, and  she welcomed children to play.

So Molly joined her little friends and started going there. It really was free, and they even provided meals! At the entrance, there was a sign that said, “Emmanuel.”

Molly came home happy every day.

After about a month, the teachers invited us for a talk. They asked if we had any religious beliefs. I said no. They then said, “If you don’t, you might consider visiting a nearby church on Sundays, to learn more.”

One day, I decided to walk into the church in our area. A year later, in 2013, when I was thirty, I was baptized.

   The Early Struggles

When I first came to faith, I invited Peter to attend church with Molly. Sometimes, when I sang the hymns in the church, I was so moved and cried. Peter told Molly, “Mommy is crazy—she cries while singing! People who believe in God must be insane.”

At that time, we had been married for about five or six years. Our small family still relied on help from my parents and Peter’s parents. Conflicts between our three families arose constantly, just like in a TV drama.

I was a proud person. From the moment we met, Peter had always pampered me and given in to my wishes.

But when the conflicts increased, and I realized he no longer obeyed me as he used to, I felt heartbroken, disappointed, and even thought about leaving. I once ran away from home, considering divorce.

Then, one day, I heard a pastor say, “Wives, submit to your husbands…”

I had read this verse many times before, but that day, God opened my ears and told me, “You submit first.”

From then on, whenever we had an argument, I reminded myself of these words and tried to hold my tongue.

Why only hold my tongue? Because I still wasn’t convinced by him in my heart.

I remember one year when he received his year-end bonus, I suggested we donate ¥10,000 to the church. He refused. I didn’t argue, but I still felt sad and disappointed.

Even though I managed our family finances, I knew God had told me: You submit first.

     The Turning Point

In 2015, we had our younger daughter, Yiyi. Around that time, Peter partnered with others in business, and our financial situation improved. We moved into a larger home with heating.

Then, the pandemic came.

His business partners and suppliers ran into trouble, and profits turned into losses.

In the winter of 2022, Peter told me one day, “Living is meaningless. I want to die.”

He later reassured me that he was joking, but I knew him too well—he had never made such jokes before. No one jokes about killing himself, right? 

Being stuck at home, he started reflecting on the meaning of life.

He had never been someone who enjoyed reading. He wasn’t a good student in school and had enlisted in the army early on. The only books he had ever bought were Jin Yong (Louis Cha) who was a renowned Chinese writer famous for his wuxia (martial arts) novels, which have greatly influenced Chinese literature and popular culture.) His complete works, fill an entire shelf.

But that winter, he started reading Records of the Grand Historian (Shiji).

After reading part of it, he said he felt utterly hopeless—history was nothing but a cycle, repeating over and over again.

Then, he bought Cui Yongyuan’s book, saying, “There’s so much history we never knew.”

One day that winter, I was driving with him and casually turned on the audio of Streams in the Desert. As we listened, he suddenly became deeply moved, almost to tears, and said, “It’s so good to believe in God!”

I can’t recall exactly which passage we heard that day, but I still remember his words.

From that moment, his life began to change.

He started reading the Bible and found sermons online by pastors like Wang Yi and Hong Yujian. Since we had moved to a new home, I had drifted away from the Three-Self church where I was baptized, and we had not committed to a new church.

So Peter relied solely on online sermons, taking daily notes—he filled several notebooks with reflections.

Meanwhile, I joined an online English Spoken Story Bible Class focused on biblical stories. Every time I learned some new stories, I would share it with Peter, asking him the discussion questions from the class. Our teacher always said there were no “standard answers.” Likewise, I didn’t give Peter any set answers—we often discussed the stores of the Bible into the midnight.

At the same time, Yiyi, who was seven, began studying an online children’s Bible course with CEF (Child Evangelism Fellowship). She started learning about God and asking me questions about the Bible.

Our eldest daughter, Molly, was in middle school. She frequently told us about classmates who were struggling with depression, self-harm, and even suicide.

This made us realize how crucial it was to raise our children in faith.

    A New Chapter in Faith

I suggested that Peter lead our family Bible study. He gladly agreed and prepared his teaching notes in advance each week.

At first, some of his interpretations weren’t entirely accurate, but there were no fundamental errors. I rarely corrected him. Over time, his insights and reflections began to inspire me.

Yiyi actively participated, asking questions and sharing thoughts. But Molly always remained silent. We assumed it was due to the pressure of her studies.

In the fall of 2024, with the help of fellow believers, we found a house church with a Sunday school. After attending for two months, Peter had several deep conversations with the pastor, and we decided to commit to this church.

Just before Christmas, Peter and Yiyi were baptized together.

Molly was accepted into a top-ranked high school in our province, but she spent less and less time with us. She spoke little, and the light in her eyes seemed to fade. On Sundays, she said she was too tired to go to church.

One day, during a family Bible study, she suddenly asked:

“The Bible says God created the world, but books say we evolved. How do you explain that?”

This year, Molly agreed to stop attending her Public high school. With the help of our church family, we are trying to enroll her in a Christian high school.

During a virtual interview, a teacher asked Molly, “Do you believe in the only true God?”

She softly replied, “Mm.”

Hearing that simple response, I was deeply moved.

It reminded me of Peter’s words two years ago: “It’s so good to believe in God!”

Last week, our church pastor invited us to his home for dinner. After the meal, Molly didn’t stay to chat. Instead, she went to the balcony and quietly sat in the sun.

Peter said, “I am largely responsible for Molly’s problem of Faith. When she was little, her mom went to church, and I told her believers were crazy. Now that I believe, she probably thinks I’ve betrayed her, that I’m no longer on her side.”

A few days ago, I was going to buy a bilingual Chinese-English Bible, and I asked Molly if she wanted one. She shook her head.

I said, “But if you go to the Christian school, you need a Bible for class.” She hesitated, and then agreed.

Now, Molly has her first Bible.

A month ago, Peter enrolled in a two-year Master’s program in Biblical Counseling, studying theology half a day while continuing his work. He wrote a lot in the “How did you come to Christ?” section of his Application Form. 

   One of his answers is: “My wife is a believer, and I saw the transformation in her life.” 

He joked, “I never even finished high school, but now, in Christ, I’ll have a higher degree than you!”

That’s good.

Because now, I truly respect and submit to this husband of mine.

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. “ 1 Peter 3:1-2 ESV