NOEL

This is a trustworthy saying, worthy of full acceptance, Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst. 1 Timothy 1:15.

     I was brought up in a household that did not give God his rightful place. As a result of this fact I found myself, at the age of 35, going about my business without a knowledge of the Bible and its message, nor did I have any desire to know-I was ignorant, and content in my ignorance.

     What I am about to relate is a sequence of events spanning 30 YEARS, starting with God revealing himself to me in what I can only describe as a supernatural way, to finally culminating in a glorious salvation. As the events unfolded, I was not aware of their significance at the time, but in hindsight, I was able to comprehend Gods saving grace at work in me. As I recall and relate this work of grace, I cannot help but express a profound thankfulness for God’s goodness and mercy.

     So at that point in my life ( age 35 ) I was employed by a huge industrial concern as an apprentice electrician. This company had a program whereby they trained older people for the trade, and as I had no prior formal qualification, I seized the opportunity to better myself.

     In the third year of my apprenticeship, I was drinking alcohol excessively and I could not understand why. I had every thing going for me, a secure future, soon to be qualified in my trade, I was not unhappy, life was good. So I consulted my doctor and explained my situation to him. He in turn referred me to a psychiatrist in Pietermaritzburg where I was hospitalized for a week and subjected to what he termed shock therapy.

     In the course of that week, I was given a pocket size Bible from a nurse, which I accepted but never did get to read. In hindsight I was convinced that this young lady was instrumental in my salvation, I believe she was an intercessor on my behalf.

     So, I returned to Newcastle and to work, but this time without alcohol.

     About two weeks later, after having spent an evening with my girlfriend Mary ( my future wife to be ), I returned to my lodgings, a hostel provided by the company which was adequate for my needs–a single room with a shower, and a dining hall providing meals. I retired to bed and was lying down spreadeagled on my back with my arms and legs outstretched. I experienced a severe headache; this was unusual for me as I was not prone to headaches and certainly not one so severe. It persisted for a short while and then it seemed to drain out of me, through my arms and legs and my fingers and toes. And then again, this terrible headache and as it too “drained” out of me, I immediately received a powerful thought in my mind– THIS IS GOD DOING THIS TO ME!!

     With this realization I felt that my body was unclean, so much so that I got out of bed and showered.

     Now consider, this was now about midnight and I was excited. For some reason I thought that this had also happened to Mary and so I got dressed and drove over to her parents’ home to share my experience. But when I arrived I found the home in darkness, so I returned to the hostel and went back to bed.

     The next morning when I got up, I simply could not contain myself. I was literally babbling Jesus-Jesus-Jesus. This caused a considerable stir among the other residents of the hostel. These guys knew me and this was not the  same me that they knew-I was professing a Jesus that I had never previously acknowledged.

     It happened to be a Saturday, a non working day, so I went back to Marys parents home and explained to Mary and her parents what had occurred to me. Mary’s mother (she was a devout Catholic) burst into tears. I was surprised and, in my naivety, asked her if she did not have a similar experience. She said no!

     The same morning Mary and I drove out to a local dam where we often parked to watch the bird life. While we were sitting there, I began to confess all my innermost perversions and filth that was stored up in my mind. It was spontaneous,  I did not hold myself back, I was content to let it happen, it was not under my control, years later I understood this to be a cleansing and Mary was my witness to it.

     Immediately after this I experienced an incredible feeling of wellbeing, its intensity was difficult to describe, it was exquisite- and it lasted only a few moments. I believe I was given a taste of the future state of glory that God has reserved for those that love Him, a anointing of the Holy Spirit.

     And as an aside, if ever I was to speak in tongues, this would have been my defining moment

     The scripture comes to mind, ” I was found by those who did not seek me”, Isaiah 65:1.

     Several days later a powerful thought was directed straight into my mind, as if God was speaking to me, it directed me “to go out and tell others what I have done for you”. I was shocked, my immediate reaction was ro say ” I can’t do that, I don’t know you”.

     In hindsight, after being so wonderfully blessed with this revelation from God and truthfully admitting  that I did not know Him, I ask myself, why did I not seek Him out? Why did I not approach a minister to help me, or why did I not open the Bible to reveal Him? I cannot explain that, except to say I did not do any of these things. I now certainly knew that God existed, but I was totally unaware of who or what God was. A possible explanation, it was not my appointed time- Ecclesiastes 3:1.

     And so, I continued on with my life and God left me to do so.Over the next ten years I was married to Mary and we were blessed with a beautiful boy child. As a qualified artisan we had a reasonable standard of living. I was also drinking alcohol again and living without reverence for God. As a direct result of my way of living my marriage was doomed. And so it transpired, Mary divorced me and I was separated from my child.

     It was not long after this that I finally broke down and conceded that I cannot live this way. My life was in ruins, a complete disaster. I was crushed and my pride was crushed. Proverbs 16:18 ” Pride goes before destruction”. I was brought to a state of brokenness before God and I was now ready to receive truth.

     For the following three years I became totally isolated from the world. I lived on a smallholding north of Pretoria which belonged to a Pastor named Mark Barker. I sold my belongings including my car to further isolate myself from society. Mark presented me with a Bible and it was only then that I became acquainted with Gods means of salvation, the Gospel of Jesus Christ and Him crucified.

     I spent my days working on the smallholding and my nights and weekends with the Word. Mark was my mentor and under his guidance I confessed my sins and repented and was baptised in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

     My life was transformed. The message of the Bible opened up a completely new way for me.I was ecstatic. I experienced a peace and joy previously unknown to me. I devoured the written Word; I could not put it down. And it was not as if I studied the Word, it was burnt into my heart. I was experiencing my first love. God made me willing and enabled me- Philippians 2:13.

     So after my three years of isolation, equipped with my new found ” salvation ” I was now ready to return to society. I found I was gradually returning to a carnal life, living with sin, and finding it easier as time went on. I had no power to say NO to sin. There was a vital ingredient missing in my salvation and I was unaware of how to rectify this situation, nor was it in my power to rectify it. This required an act of God to enable me, failing that I was surely destined for hell.

     And this is how God in His amazing grace and mercy came to my aid. I was informed of the death of a childhood friend of mine. We had grown up together from being young boys through adolescence and we were close friends. I purchased a bottle of whisky and had a ” wake ” in remembrance of him.

     A day or two later I got to thinking whether he was saved or not ( I had no contact with him in later years so I had no way of knowing). While I was considering this, I was stricken with a most powerful conviction that I WAS NOT SAVED and I was on my way to hell. I was devastated.  I knew that without a doubt, because of my sinful state, I was going to hell, and not only that, God was perfectly just in condemning me, the wages of sin is death. It was done and dusted. I had acknowledged God and continued in sin. I was in utter despair, without hope. I cannot describe the darkness of that time and it continued for several months; proverbs 18:14 describes this state- ” who can bear a broken spirit”.

     I thought my sin was too great for forgiveness, I believed I had committed the unpardonable sin. I finally saw myself as God sees me, a wretched sinner. I was given an understanding of the true nature of sin, the sinfulness of sin. I was given a true understanding of who God was, holy and just. Sin is not to be trifled with.

     Isaiah 6:1-5 comes to mind, when the Prophet had a revelation of God seated on His throne, he cried out ” woe is me for I am undone “. And so it was with me.

     I was made to be laboring and heavy laden. This is what Jesus means when He said ” come unto me all who labour  and are heavy laden “. It is the weight of sin.

     And this spiritual affliction is the work of the Holy Spirit, He will come to convict you of sin, and righteousness and judgement. (See appendix note ).

     I pleaded for mercy, I begged for forgiveness, I beseeched God to grant me repentance. I pleaded the blood of Jesus to cover my sins, past , present and future. I came to Jesus as my only savior, there being no other means whereby my sins may be forgiven.

     I finally repented with a true Gospel repentance, not with an intellectual head knowledge of sin but with a heart knowledge of the true nature of sin. And Jesus said ” I will not turn away any that come to me”- John 6:37.

     Sin no longer has dominion over me, I have a divine power that enables me to overcome sin. And so after all those years I finally closed with my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.

     I can truthfully conclude, both by way of scripture and experience that I have received the priceless gift of salvation by God’s grace. Salvation is of the Lord – Jonah 2:9

God makes you willing and enables you – Philippians 2:13.

     And so with Thomas I can say – ” my Lord and my God “, and with Peter I can say – ” you are the Christ, the Son of the living God “.

     And to God alone belongs the glory. Amen.

Appendix – excerpt from the work of JC Ryle entitled ” come unto me “

I quote – Jesus says “come unto me all who are labouring and heavy laden, and I will give you rest”. To know the state of the soul here spoken of your hard heart must be broken. You must be brought to see your own guilt and danger, you eyes must be opened to understand your situation.

     All who have entered heaven were once labouring and heavy laden, and except you are, you will never get there. Unquote.     If you have never experienced a revelation of the true nature of your fallen state I would urge you to plead with God for this vital mercy.